Please select the type of animal/thing you want to say your words of wisdom and select a category. It's also worth noting that I didn't write any of these. Some might be offensive, so you've been warned!


 _________________________________________
/ (men-women) % A young man enters the    \
| New York branch of Tiffany's on a       |
| Friday evening and walks up to a        |
| display case full of pearl necklaces.   |
| He turns to a gorgeous woman, who is    |
| obviously windowshopping, looks her     |
| straight in the eye and says, "I can    |
| tell by your eyes that you really want  |
| that necklace. If you'll allow me, I'd  |
| like to buy it for you."                |
|                                         |
| The woman looks him up and down; he's   |
| wearing a nice suit and some pretty     |
| nice jewelry, but she has trouble       |
| believing this story.                   |
|                                         |
| "Look, this is some kind of put on,     |
| right?"                                 |
|                                         |
| "No, really. You see, I've got quite a  |
| lot of money -- so much that I could    |
| never spend it all. I'd really like for |
| you to have it."                        |
|                                         |
| The guys whips out his checkbook,       |
| writes a check for five figures, calls  |
| over a clerk and hands it to him. The   |
| clerk peers at the check, looks at the  |
| young man, looks at the check again.    |
| "Very good, sir. I'm afraid I can't     |
| release the necklace immediately, would |
| Monday be all right?"                   |
|                                         |
| "That'll be fine, she'll pick it up."   |
| the man replies, and walks out of the   |
| store with the woman following him in a |
| daze.                                   |
|                                         |
| The next Monday the man comes back in   |
| and walks up to the counter. The same   |
| clerk hurries over to him and says,     |
| "Sir, I'm sorry to have to tell you     |
| this, but your check was returned for   |
| insufficient funds."                    |
|                                         |
| "I know," the man replies. "I just      |
| wanted to thank you for a terrific      |
\ weekend."                               /
 -----------------------------------------
        \   ^__^
         \  (oo)\_______
            (__)\       )\/\
                ||----w |
                ||     ||