Modern American Guide to National Holidays Holiday: Hangover Day Date: January 1st Purpose: This day is used by many to recover from hangovers that were acquired as a result of excessive partying the night before. Holiday: Savings Extravaganza Day Date: Third Monday of February Purpose: This day is used by merchants across the land to put everything they have in stock on sale. I think the merchants are just longing for the booming pre-Presents Day season when they have these sales in February. Holiday: Gardening Day Date: Fourth Monday of May Purpose: On this day, millions of surburbanites flock to their local garden centers to purchase plants to make their yards more cheery. In northern climes, it is also know as Tomato Transplanting Day, as there is little chance of frost damage after this date. Holiday: Fireworks Day Date: July 4th Purpose: Fireworks fill the skies on this day as neighbors alienate each other by setting off firecrackers and shooting bottle rockets back and forth. Extra friendship points are acquired by continuing the barrage after midnight. Holiday: Kiss Summer Goodbye Day Date: First Monday after the first Sunday of September Purpose: Millions of city dwellers flock to the country to enjoy one last weekend of fun-in-the-sun before cruel winter arrives. Holiday: Turkey Day Date: Fourth Thursday of November Purpose: Forcing massive quantities of food (especially turkey) into your stomach is the theme for this day. Many males and some females waste the afternoon away by watching football --- if they can stay awake with all that food in their bellies. Holiday: Mall Day Date: Friday after Turkey Day Purpose: Malls are overflowing with zillions of shoppers who have nothing else to do on this usually miserable day in late fall. This day marks the first day of the pre-Presents Day shopping spree. Merchants have been trying to get this day moved to sometime in October, but they have had little luck in doing so despite the fact that they put up Presents Day decorations earlier each year. Holiday: Presents Day Date: December 25th Purpose: This day is the hands-down favorite of kids across the land. It usually starts at about 5:00 AM if children live in the house. Kids tear into huge mounds of presents the have been lying underneath a gaudily decorated evergreen tree as soon as they can convince their tired parents to get up. The house is usually totally trashed by tons of gift wrapping by 8:00. Most of the cheaply built toys the children just had to have are no longer in working condition after sundown. -/Vuarnet International/- 617/527.oo91 24oo-16.8k HST/V32bis