ADVERTISEMENT
THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THE HOT CHATTER
ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF THE GREATEST GIFT FOR THE ONLINE HOT CHATTER!
THE ONE AND ONLY GENUINE
HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY
Brought to you by: KINKS ARE US Inc.
This toy is the ULTIMATE gift for your hot-chat lover/lovers. A perfect
companion to the personal computers which you keep hidden in dark rooms for
your hot chat specials.
It comes with several options and peripherals. This depends on your
preference, as with all personal computer peripherals. It needs no cus-
tomization for those who have either no particular or constantly changing
sexual preferences; it can be BI/GAY/HETERO without any special require-
ments.
For this short time only, and for those who wish to test this product
for suitability, we are offering it as a special to you notable hot
chatters! Come out of that dark closet and show your new toy to your
friends! Come out and enjoy the freedom of the open hot chat and group
grope chats!
Let us describe the wonders of this new invention by KINKS ARE US Inc.
These are just the main points of our new product. The new HOT CHAT RUBBER
DOLLY comes complete with all the attachments necessary to start hot
chatting immediately! Everything is activated by certain key phrases which
the interface (provided for IBM/PC/AT, AMIGA 1000 & 2000, MAC II). As an
example the key word "I am getting really hot" will immediately raise the
temperature of the rubber dolly by approximately 5 degrees.
A listing of other properties and sample commands are also listed
following this short advertisement. This should bring a whole new dimension
to the term "HOT CHAT" on any system, especially when both parties are
using this new HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY. If nothing else it will serve as a
good topic of conversation during those dull, ho-hum orgies that the very
jaded are occasionally invited to! So liven up your online life with the
NEW and EXCITING HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY. Order yours while supplies last!
Orders can be sent to: KINKS ARE US Inc.
The HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY (HCRD) is easily installed in
any personal computer that supports both a serial and
parallel port. Or, with an optional controller board
which is dedicated to the HCRD.
The HCRD itself either straddles or can be configured to
cover the Video Display unit. Input/Output of the unit
can be done through the keyboard or the feedback loop of
the HCRD. For example, touching the TIT unit on the
female HCRD will cause the words "I am fondling your
tits" to be sent out to the remote unit. The same applies
to touching the male genitalia on the male HCRD. There-
fore, for the experienced mouse user, this should present
no problem at all. A touch and feel can now be easily
transmitted through the action, rather than the severely
limiting "type and pretend" method.
Certain key phrases, such as "I am horny", will automati-
cally set the HCRD to exude pheromones (whatever the
scientists call that hormone for sexual attraction) and,
in the case of the female rubber dolly, to secrete Wesson
Oil through the thin latex material that comprises its
artificial vagina. For those females/males that will have
the male model, it is advisable to wear the goggles upon
the initial conversation, since the above-mentioned key
phrase may cause an immediate reaction from the HCRD,
making the male protuberance to pop out from the screen
and hit the user who sits too close to the screen in the
eyes.
To ensure the continued quality of the parts of the HCRD
we recommend that the owner only use Wesson Oil on the
female and real cream for the male ejaculatory system.
For cleaning, we suggest that the HCRD be inflated
manually and taken to the shower/bath with the owner.
(Batteries should be removed).
As a service to those who log on too early or too late to
find a hot chat, we have included free of charge the
GENDER CHANGER/AUTOFEEDBACK option for a limited time.
This option is normally a $9,000.00 option, but for the
first 100 orders, they will be FREE!!!
The following have given testimonials as to the effec-
tiveness of the HCRD. These testimonials were in no way
induced by the fact that we gave them stock for the use
of their names on this advertisement.
IT'S BETTER THAN NO DATE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT, AND UNLIKE
WOODY ALLEN SAYS YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE BI TO INCREASE YOUR
CHANCES.
Dr. R.U. HONKER
I never thought I would need one until I tested it.
Dr. I.M. Blind
HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY
1. Command Summary:
a) "I am hot for you" - raises temperature of receiving HOT
CHAT RUBBER DOLLY (HCRD) by 5 degree increments or until
total system meltdown. (Please consult your computer
users' manual for this figure).
b) "I am a blonde" - Blonde hair piece automatically starts
growing from HCRD's head. Hair length is controlled by
other keywords too numerous to mention.
c) "I am a female [height][weight][bust][waist][hip]" -
immediately inflates/deflates optional area. Default set
by receiving party.
d) "I am so [wet]/[hard]" - causes Wesson Oil to seep out
of HCRD's artificial female genitalia; in male HCRD
causes <ahem> to seep out of artificial genitalia.
e) "I am getting [wet]/[hard]" - increases the lubrication
or turgidity by increments of 10% until either blow up
of male HCRD protuberance or drying up of Wesson Oil
reservoir in female HCRD.
f) "Play with my [bodily part]" - will immediately set
blinking LED's on the affected part of the body. The
LED's can only be turned off by the remote Hot Chat
person.
These are only a sampling of the commands of your HCRD.
Commands can be threaded to afford a series of actions to
be demonstrated by the remote HCRD.
Commands to request a hot chat such as "I AM REALLY SUPER
HOT AND GETTING HOTTER IF YOU TOUCH MY [CENSORED] WHILE I
NIBBLE ON YOUR [CENSORED] AND I CAN FEEL YOU GETTING
[WET/HARD] AS I FEEL YOUR [CENSORED] WHEN YOU WIGGLE MY
[CENSORED] AND THINGS ARE GETTING SUPER HARD AS YOU
[CENSORED]" can overload an HCRD immediately, hence
practice is called for before attempting a request
online.
OPTIONS:
1. COLD WATER DOUSER: required to cool down the opposite
side. Also starts the refrigeration unit to ensure cool
running of the computer during lengthy hot chat ses-
sions. If used improperly, this command can cause the
HCRD to collapse completely, as if given a total put
down.
2. LATEX KEYBOARD COVER: a covering of pure LATEX for the
keyboard. This ensures that the PC keyboard remains high
and dry so that the user can log off the computer system
therefore saving money for future hot chats.
3. BATTERY BACKUP UNIT: a heavy duty battery backup unit to
run both the PC and HCRD during periods of unreliable
power for up to 4 hours which is time enough for even
the marathon hot chatter.
4. SHEEP SKIN COMPUTER SEAT COVER: To soak up all those
juices that may pour forth during a session. Plus (only
on initial 199 orders) a free mount for the fake sexual
organ of your choice. This can also be controlled by the
remote sender/chatter. As an added PLUS, the attached
units can be varied in size for the dainty and the
gross. So, mount your chair and HOT CHAT!
ORDER YOURS NOW WHILE INITIAL SUPPLIES LAST.
KINKS ARE US Inc.
Not sold at K-MART or any other store. for $9.95
_______________________________________________________________
ADVERTISEMENT #2
A New Product has been brought into being by the research staff of KRU
Inc. ... a product that is so revolutionary and specific-market-oriented
that it will take the public by storm.
ANNOUNCING the arrival of the:
WESTERN HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY KIT
Brought to you by:
KINKS ARE US Inc.
It has been brought to our attention that we have been ignoring a
certain market area which, up to this time, has been sorely neglected. For
this reason, we bring you the one and only WESTERN HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY
KIT (WHCRD). This is a companion kit to our HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY (HCRD).
The WHCRD not only incorporates the HCRD but adds some extra features our
western fanciers may like.
This new product line consists of the Basic HCRD and some added extra
features which, for a limited time, will be available without the HCRD unit
for those that may wish to upgrade their HCRD's. The new product consists
of the following:
1. Patent leather saddle with velvet underlining, complete
with all the utilities for riding a horse in patent
leather. The bit is made of genuine India rubber of the
highest quality (as with the HCRD chair this will also
incorporate a sexual organ adapter for those who ride
alone)
2. Patent leather cowboy boots with 6-inch spiked heels
3. Silk lasso rope and tassels
4. Chinchilla fur vest with western motif embroidery
5. Rubber-tipped spurs (silver or gold on request)
6. Mink-covered bullwhip tipped with ermine tail.
7. Sheepskin horse blanket
8. The new HOT CHAT RUBBER HORSE (HCRH) (optional)
9. Crotch-less suede cowboy pants (cod-piece for males
optional)
10. Velvet chaps.
We have improved the software for the HCRD units to incorporate control
of the Saddle. For those of you who have bought the HCRH option an
elongated cable plus additional software is also added.
Some of the added features now include: Fully functional speed control
of the Saddle and attached sexual organs; fur lining on all saddle and tack
equipment.
The HCRH also contains fully functional sexual organs for those who are
interested in such amenities. Speed can be adjusted from a mild canter to
a full gallop. However, we urge the beginners to try no faster than a
walk.
So now all you western fans can play western love scenes with your
favorite hot chat partners without leaving the confines of your suburbia
homes. Just imagine the feel and comfort of riding without any of the nasty
bugs and dirty fallen leaves getting into your most intimate places. This
is the Western HOT CHAT dream come true.
Included with the kit are safety features as required by OSHA and by
Surgeon General Koop. Hence, we have added seat belts to ensure that our
beloved customers do not fall out of the saddle during a heated exchange.
Air bags are optional and are only available with the HCRH unit. In
keeping with the spirit of "SAFE SEX" as outlined by the Surgeon General,
we have added a special pouch in the saddle to accommodate two dozen
prophylactics of your favorite brand.
For the beginner we have added a WHCRD tutorial to prevent mishaps.
These include such things as: how to mount your saddle and how to ride
double with the HCRD unit. As with today's society we ensure that safety
comes first.
So now, our western customers can now enjoy such true to life expres-
sions as "Ride me hard, oh babeeee" and "Back in the saddle again" or
"Riding off into hot chat sunset".
This advertisement has been brought to you by the kinky
folks of the KINKS ARE US Inc.