Archive-name: Bestial/horsshoe.txt
Archive-author: 
Archive-title: Bride Wore Horseshoes!, The


I found the following article in the August 17th issue of Weekly World
News, a supermarket tabloid.

                      THE BRIDE WORE HORSESHOES!

Banker weds four-legged beauty in Atlanta!

  Bashful bachelor Tyler Gossmo got sick of being kidded because he
couldn't find a wife, so the fun-loving banker summoned 70 guests to
an elegant wedding - and said "I do" to a mule named Beulah!
  With dozens of flabbergasted friends and relatives watching in
stunned silence, tuxedoed Tyler slipped a gold band on his braying
bride's left front hoof and kissed her tenderly as the preacher
pronounced them man and nag.
  "It was a gorgeous wedding, absolutely gorgeous - and Beulah was
simply beautiful," gushed the jubilant groom.  "Everybody there said
it was the most wonderful ceremony they've ever seen."
  Well, not quite everybody.
  "I don't know what's gotten in that boy's head, I really don't,"
sighed Tyler's mortified mother Dinah as the newlyweds hurried off on
their honeymoon.
  "I raised that kid to be a serious, responsible citizen, and then I
have to sit there with all our friends and watch him marry a mule, for
crying out loud.  If I'd known what he was going to do, I'd have never
showed up, I'll tell you that."
  Delighted Tyler, 33, says he decided to make a hay burner his bride
to end years of kidding from his cronies.
  "Everybody I know is married and the truth is, I'm usually too shy
even to get a date," the mischievous businessman told reporters at his
home outside Atlanta.
  "So my friends are always bugging me about it, asking me when I'm
gonna get married and settle down, or razzing me about not having a
date on Saturday night.
  "Finally I decided I'd put an end to it.  I'd read in Weekly World
News about a guy who married a cow and another guy who married a head
of lettuce, and I know my cousin had this cute little mule out on his
farm.
  "I figured I'd marry the mule and shut people up for good."
  So conniving Tyler invited dozens of dumbfounded friends and
relatives to watch him wed "Beulah Haskins" in a rose garden near his
home one Saturday afternoon.
  "I played it as straight as I could, with engraved invitations and
everything," he recalled.
  "Everybody wanted to know what was up, why they hadn't met my
fiancee.  But I told them if they wanted to meet her, they'd just have
to show up for the wedding."
  And when the big day came, 70 unsuspecting guests did show up - and
stood stone-silent as embarrassed pastor Delton Eubrey united man and
mule in holy matrimony.
  "Everybody was so stunned when they saw Beulah walking down the
aisle with her pretty little veil on that they didn't know what to
do," tickled Tyler said.  "They just stood there, scared to laugh or
cry for fear of hurting my feelings.
  "But the poor preacher was the one who was really squirming.
  "He said it was the first time he'd ever tried to get a mule to say
I do - and by God, it was going to be his last."
  + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + 

Hmmm.  Wish I had thought of marrying my pony before I made the
mistake of getting a human wife.  Someday, though......  :)
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                              *-(__ Wrangler __)-*
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