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NOT QUITE FULLY FUNCTIONAL
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by W.W. Driller
(June 1994, with
 apologies to PAramount)

Data strode into Geordie's office off the main engineering area, his
flaccid white penis held carefully in his hand.


"It has been malfunctioning again."  He announced.  "I am unable to
maintain a constant cellular fluid level required for penetration."

Geordie looked up from the readouts of the last cooling system
diagnostics his team had run, startled at the site of the pale limp
object lying on his desk, at the metal plate and connectors glistening
obscenely from the end that attached to Data's groin area.

Geordie gingerly handled the detached penis, hooking it up to a small
biocomputer he kept handy, punched in a few commands, watching it grow
to full tumescence, muttering a few "hmms" here and there.

"Well Data, I can't find anything wrong with it, the circuitry seems
to be fine, mechanically it's obviously functional..."

"That is most interesting.  For the past five evenings, in Counselor
Troi's quarters..."

"Uhhh, that's allright Data..." Geordie hastily cut him off.  A
beaming smile crossed his face, he would've snapped his fingers but
even he knew that that would have been be too contrived a mannerism.

"You know Data," he began excitedly, "with humans these problems are
usually all in the head..."

Geordie opened up Data's skull flap, reaching in with a screw driver
he made some minor adjustments to the main coil of Data's servo-motor
solenoid.

"I thiiiiink you were just wrapped too tight," Geordie explained.

Reaching down the front of Data's uniform pants, he snapped Data's
dick back on and began stroking.  Data started moving his hips,
thrusting his penis pack and forth in Geordie's hand, getting harder
and longer, till finally a long string of thick yellowish goo spewed
from the tip of his penis and shot across the room, knocking a small
datapad from the desk.  Geordie backed away from the flying stream,
laughing, awed.

Geordie shook his head, grinning his ubiquitous grin.

"Data, you amaze me.  It seems to be working again."

"Yes Geordie, thank you."  Data carefully returned his re-attached
member to the confines of his pants.  "You have been a great help.
Judging from the distance and arc as well as the velocity of my
ejaculate, it is apparent that the fluids had built up to an extremely
high level that might have caused physical damage to Counselor Troi
were I to have ejaculated inside of her while copulating.  She will be
most pleased when I tell her how you..."

"Uh, Data, that won't be necessary..."  Geordie hastily cut Data off.
He was thankful for once that the visor spared him from ever having to
look Counselor Troi in the eye, though he was sure she would find out
what he knew, if he got within fifty feet of him, by the waves of
embarrassment she would be sure to sense.

Data cocked his head quizzically, "As you wish sir, but I do not
understand why you would not wish Counselor Troi to know how you have
helped us in this matter, and spared her possible medical trauma."

"Uh... another time, ok?  I've got work to do"

Data cocked his head again, appearing to be accessing internal records.

"Ah, I believe you are embarrassed at the knowledge of my activities
with Counselor Troi.  I will not mention to her that I have told you
anything of our liaison, though I do not understand why it should be
any more shocking than the triangular liaison between Commander Riker,
The Captain, and young Ensign Crusher which you already know about..."


"DATA!"

"I confess I do not yet fully understand the complexities of human
sexual taboo," Data replied, "I am sorry if I in any way offended
you."

Geordie caught himself staring fixedly at the motion the perfectly
meshed gears controlling Data's hips invoked in the fibrous tissue of
his synthetic buttocks as he strode purposefully from Geordie's
office.

"Yeah, offended me,"  Geordie muttered to himself.  "Lucky bitch."