The Official X-Files Menu
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On behalf of our restaurant manager, Chris Carter, I'd like to welcome all
X-philes, young and old alike, to the new Official, Unoffical X-Files
Restaurant! I see you saw our ad in the paper and found us. We told you
our location was out there...but a lot easier to find than those other
restaurants, I'm sure.
Oh, pardon, I've been so rude! My name is Pinar. I'll be your maitre d'
for the evening. Oh, by the way, please tip our waitors generously. They
need their medication, you know. And now onto the specifics for tonight!
First of all, I'm sure you've noticed the litter everywhere. It's to make
sure you get the atmosphere of Agent Mulder's office just right! Now if
you at your table you will notice that there are no candles. True, they
are available if you find the need for some pseudo-witchcraft, but we don't
use candles most of the time here. Nope, we prefer those cool flashlights!
They ward away those nasty things that go bump in the night (*and* those
that go bump in the day, for that matter) and are great ways to get the
waitor's attention. Just wave it around in the air. Everyone's lured into
their cool beams of light. While you wave your arm and wait for the
waitor, you can stare at our walls. You will probably see all the numerous
photos of aliens, UFO's and even the infamous "I WANT TO BELIEVE" poster!
Isn't that something? While further waiting for the waitor, with the hand
that's free, you can make little crumpled up balls of paper and throw them
into the complimentary waste baskets with basketball hoops we so dearly
provide you with. If the waitor still doesn't show up, don't worry. One
of two things happened. He died (not too uncommon for this place).
Another thing could be that he got upset that a customer asked for the
smoking section to the restaurant. We've had that happen before with this
waitor...real dork with scary hair. I was glad to fire that rat.
Remember, "Trust no one," especially the service! Anywho, on to the menu!
[I pass out a menu to you] Enjoy and we hope you live to see the next day!
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M E N U M E N U
M E N U M E N U
M E N U M E N U
M E N U
M E N U M E N U
M E N U M E N U
M E N U M E N U
*B R E A K F A S T:*
Cereal that reveals Magic Meal Worms when milk is added............$1.00
Nothing [what they normally eat on the show].......................$1.00
*S A L A D S:*
House Salad [lettuce, tomato, Excelsis Dei mushrooms, foxglove leaves]
...........................................................$2.50
with crickets and radioactive green bugs as croutons.......$3.00
*S O U P S:*
Sewer Surprise.....................................................$6.00
Biley Bouillon Bash................................................$6.00
*A P P E T I Z E R S:*
Sunflowers seeds...................................................$1.50
Blood Bread........................................................$1.60
Manicured fingers..................................................$2.00
with rings.........................depends on the price of rings
*D R I N K S:*
iced tea...........................................................$1.00
rootbeer...........................................................$1.00
sewer water........................................................$1.00
L'eau de toilette (toilet water)...................................$10.50
[Hey, what'd you expect? It's in French!]
blood..............................................................$1.00
beer...............................................................$1.00
with bile..................................................$1.50
Pepsi..............................................................$1.00
with a touch of foxglove...................................$2.00
*L U N C H:*
the kill of the day [whatever the chef encounters in the kitchen].......
..........................................................$12.00
nothing...........................................................$12.00
*D I N N N E R:*
Steaks:
steak that squirts blood................................$11.50
steak injected with Purity Control......................$11.50
Steamed Liver and Onions [human liver]..........................$10.50
A Human Drumstick [fresh from Jersey]...........................$12.00
Happy Mealworms..................................................$9.50
Human Flambe [our master chef, Cecil L'Ively, performs this baby live
for you!]...............................................$15.00
Sushi [it's live fluke, very fresh from the toilets everyday]...$13.50
Boa Surprise [roasted over a candle-has a surprise inside!].....$15.00
*Special of the Day*
*A Cadaver Course!*
2 whole corpses to eat!: a piglet that can be dissected [it
even comes to life and squeals fo you!], and a human
corpse autopsied by none other than Scully herself!
................................................$20.00
with giblets............................$25.00
*F O R T H E V E G I T A R I A N S:*
Our Mushroom Meal Deal [Excelsius Dei mushrooms sprinkled with a touch
of bile and parasitic fungal spores]....................$12.50
*D E S S E R T:*
Scully's Killer Fruitcake........................................$4.50
Frozen Chocolate Covered E. B. E. on a Stick.....................$5.00
Pickles and Ice Cream [together at last].........................$4.00
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