******************************************* * * * Spraying People with A Hose * * * ******************************************* // written by _______ ____ ___ ____ | \ | | / / / / | D | | |/ / | \ ...___|______/____|_____<______\___\____... | |\ \ | |\ \ / / |__| \___\ |__| \__\ /___/ One of my favorite hobbies is spraying people with a hose. It is the best hobby ever. This report is about the tips and techniques of spraying people with a hose. You will learn the masters' expert techniques on how to sneak up on someone and learn about different hose spraying techniques. You will also learn about the different types of hoses and their strengths and weaknesses. We'll start with a brief explanation on how to get someone. The first step in drenching someone is to sneak up on them. The best place to spray is when they are on the ground and you are at an elevated position with a guard rail to hide behind, such as a porch. This way, you can jump up by surprise when they're not looking and shoot them. Another advantage of this position is that when they run, you can still spray them because you are up high and the hose water can still go far before it hits the ground. Another good position to spray someone is when they're boxed into a corner. For example, they are out in the yard sunbathing by the corner of the yard. You run in and spray them, making sure to spray both corners of the fence so that they are intimidated and run in the opposite direction, where you spray. If you spray them at first, they will dash away because they don't have a fear of getting hit on the side. Always scout the location before you spray so that you can devise a plan. If they have food, avoid it at all costs, unless you want a fist in your face. Them having a drink is a good thing for you. They will try to protect the drink by getting themselves wet so that water does not get into the drink, unless they are drinking water, then they will pour the water on you. A particularly bad position for spraying people is when they are on a porch because they are elevated and can run into the house, where it is off-limits. They might also have water guns or buckets of water to retaliate hidden behind the rail. If they have a hose and you have a hose you are going to take them by surprise using evasive maneuvers. Run up to them behind and set the hose on full power. Keep spraying them by running around them clockwise then counterclockwise, reversing every few seconds. After about 15 seconds then you run away. A more complex attack is when there are two people who you want to spray. The objective here is to spray each person equally for a long enough time for them to be thoroughly drenched. The plan: go to one side of them and spray. Just go to a position where you can get them both in the same spray. You spray the hose, and they run. The person closest runs to the side. The farthest person runs directly away. Ignore the closest person, they have been soaked already. Go for the person farthest away, they only got some of the original spray. Chase them in a normal manner soaking them for a few seconds and get out of there. Once you are done spraying everybody in any manner, put the hose away and steal the nozzle. This way, they cannot spray you. There are a few different types of hoses available. Some are excellent for a sneak attack against two people. Some are better for long distance spraying. This will go through the use and style of each nozzle. The first type of nozzle is a nozzle with a standard hand gun shape. It has trigger, barrel like most hoses. But it has a circular head about 3-5 cm diameter. It has many small holes for the water to exit and it usually does not give off lots of pressure. This hose is not recommended. It is great for gardening and such, but it isn't great for spraying people unless there is a lot of pressure or the person is small or weak. The next nozzle is the standard non-adjustable pressured stream of water. This is the most common hose nozzle. It is simple, and cheap. It has a trigger on the back that you squeeze with your hand to fire. This hose is very good for single fire because it is fast and powerful. Unfortunately, spraying two people at the same time is a complicated task. It is too narrow to hit two people at the same time. You would have to move the hose back and forth so that to cover two people. The final hose is my favorite. It is the adjustable nozzle. You can adjust it either by twisting the front or by using different pressure settings an the trigger. You can use wide spray for two people, or you can use the jet if you want to puncture a hole in one persons' skin. Now, the key to learning how to spray the hose is like Kung Fu, you learn it so that you never have to use it.